Life Lessons

When the boys were small and they did something like throw a fit, I could just tell them to stop. If they did something "wrong" I could them it was wrong and to stop. It seemed like when the boys were smaller things were so black and white. They could or couldn't do things. Things were right or wrong. I could tell them to yes or no and that was it. If I wanted to tell them my thoughts I could and I did because they didn't know any different. BUT now that I have a teenager...I guess I have to filter. Cody doesn't love to listen to me when he is happy let alone when he is upset. So trying to get an effective message through in the heat of the moment can be challenging. Learning to be patient or bringing up topics at the "right" time can be tricky. And sometimes choosing to just NOT say anything at all is the most challenging.

Today, Cody was in a minor car accident. Basically Cody went to turn left, a car cut him off to turn left as well, he swerved around back to the right, there were girls walking on the street, he over corrected, swerved again, and landed in the ditch. He was ok and the girls were ok.

For the most part the car doesn't look too bad, but I haven't gotten the report from the body shop yet. Cody was obviously pretty shaken up. I could hear it in his voice when he called to tell me about it. I stayed surprisingly calm. One thing that I know about my boys (and most kids) is that they can be a bit emotional and the more calm that I stay the more calm they will stay. When I got to the "scene" Cody gave me a big hug and his scare turned into anger about the car that cut him off. The thing that Cody does not know is that as an adult, and an adult with a bit of road rage, I know how aggressive a driver can be when they have been cut off. Cody blamed the car that cut him off and wanted that car to the one at "fault." The police officer told Cody that it was the 2nd car's responsibility to be far enough behind the other car to be able to correct in enough time not to crash into anything or anyone else. That upset Cody (but better the cop than me) and he continued to try to tell me how he was not at fault. I really had to choose my words carefully. I did not want to make matters worse. The only thing that I could stress to Cody is that no matter whose fault it was his car was the car in the ditch. It was really hard not to lecture him at this point especially as he continued to try to act like he was driving perfectly. I did just mention to him that I have been driving long enough to know how accidents like this happen. And in the end, his car was in the ditch. I did not say too much more about the situation. I just told him that this is not a good situation but it's not as bad as it could have been and car accidents happen (in my mind I wanted to say so hopefully you won't continue to think you are a hot shot and drive so aggressively). I reassured him that it would be ok and that he would make it through this event. After his accident he hit his car and put a dent in the back door. The only snide comment that I made was to ask if that made things better by hitting his car, he said it did for that second but not now. My response was that he would have that dent in the door to remind him of that. Maybe I should have said more in the moment, but I think this lesson/conversation is not over...